TOP THINGS WE’VE LEARNED FROM THE WORLD CUP

–Soccer still sucks. 

–There’s less scoring than at a Trekkie convention.

 –Evidently, there’s a country in Africa called “Ghana”.

 –Of all U.S. sports stars, Landon Donovan’s name sounds the whitest.

 –Luckily, you won’t have to give a crap about it for another four years.

 –The best cure for insomnia is watching Switzerland play Honduras.

 –There are black people who play soccer.

 –North Korea’s plan of only playing Special Olympians backfired.

 –It would get a lot more viewers if they added the “2 Girls” part.

 –Yellow cards are just Post-it notes without the sticky backside.

 –What’s this thing you call a “World Cup”?