TOP PIECES OF ADVICE FOR COLLEGE GRADUATES

Hey, kids, ready to change the world with your fresh-faced, wide-eyed enthusiasm?  Before you get started, be sure to check out today’s list of the Top Pieces of Advice for College Graduates.

–Don’t lose that graduation tassel.  It will come in handy when you take that gig at the strip club.

–Lose the beer helmet for job interviews.

–Find time to travel to another country.  And then stay there. 

–See that mop and bucket in your school’s supply closet?  Grab it before someone else does.

–Never enter marriage lightly.  Or heavily.  What I’m saying is don’t get married.

–It doesn’t matter what kind of job you get . . . as long as Jay Leno doesn’t want it too.

–Be sure to put your degree to good use.  For instance, skimming the surface of ocean water for oil. 

–Spring for the class ring.  In a few years, you can trade it for a rock.

–Save up for a bus pass.

–Remember, your degree says something about you.  For instance, if it’s from Arizona State, it says you’re a dumbass. 

–Network with alumni.  But get your hand stamped first or they’ll overcharge you at the kegger.

–Ask parents if their basement is still available.

–Take a part-time job that could lead to a full-time job.  For example, it’s common knowledge that washing dishes can lead to a sweet bartending gig.