HERE’S A TRAILER FOR THE NEW “CHRONICLES OF NARNIA” MOVIE
Did you realize they were still making those “Chronicles of Narnia” movies? The third one comes out this December. It’s called “Voyage of the Dawn Treader”. (–Here’s the trailer . . .)
JOHN MAYER MADE A VIDEO MOCKING LEBRON JAMES’ SPECIAL:
(–You can watch the video, here . . .)
TOP THINGS WE’VE LEARNED FROM THE WORLD CUP
–Soccer still sucks.
–There’s less scoring than at a Trekkie convention.
–Evidently, there’s a country in Africa called “Ghana”.
–Of all U.S. sports stars, Landon Donovan’s name sounds the whitest.
–Luckily, you won’t have to give a crap about it for another four years.
–The best cure for insomnia is watching Switzerland play Honduras.
–There are black people who play soccer.
–North Korea’s plan of only playing Special Olympians backfired.
–It would get a lot more viewers if they added the “2 Girls” part.
–Yellow cards are just Post-it notes without the sticky backside.
–What’s this thing you call a “World Cup”?
GIBSON HAS COME OUT WITH A “BRAD PAISLEY MODEL” GUITAR:
–If you’re thinking about buying one, better save up because it’ll run you $5,158. Gibson is showcasing the guitar with a link that has a photo of the “J-45″ . . . plus a video of Brad being a guitar geek and talking endlessly about it. Check it out . . .
A WOMAN SAYS SHE WAS FIRED FROM CITIBANK FOR BEING “TOO SEXY”:
You make the call… HOT or NOT???
There are plenty of legitimate reasons why people lose their jobs. Being TOO HOT isn’t the likeliest of them . . . not by a long shot. But that’s exactly what 33-year-old Debrahlee Lorenzana of Queens, New York, says happened to her.
MCDONALD’S IS RUNNING A PRO-GAY AD IN FRANCE:
McDonald’s is running a pro-gay ad in France that features a closeted teenager, a clueless dad, and the tagline “Come As You Are.”
TOP PIECES OF ADVICE FOR COLLEGE GRADUATES
Hey, kids, ready to change the world with your fresh-faced, wide-eyed enthusiasm? Before you get started, be sure to check out today’s list of the Top Pieces of Advice for College Graduates.
–Don’t lose that graduation tassel. It will come in handy when you take that gig at the strip club.
–Lose the beer helmet for job interviews.
–Find time to travel to another country. And then stay there.
–See that mop and bucket in your school’s supply closet? Grab it before someone else does.
–Never enter marriage lightly. Or heavily. What I’m saying is don’t get married.
–It doesn’t matter what kind of job you get . . . as long as Jay Leno doesn’t want it too.
–Be sure to put your degree to good use. For instance, skimming the surface of ocean water for oil.
–Spring for the class ring. In a few years, you can trade it for a rock.
–Save up for a bus pass.
–Remember, your degree says something about you. For instance, if it’s from Arizona State, it says you’re a dumbass.
–Network with alumni. But get your hand stamped first or they’ll overcharge you at the kegger.
–Ask parents if their basement is still available.
–Take a part-time job that could lead to a full-time job. For example, it’s common knowledge that washing dishes can lead to a sweet bartending gig.
CELEBRITY BLACKBERRY: BP CEO TONY HAYWARD
–8:00 A.M.: Wake up from horrible nightmare that world has clean air and blue oceans.
–9:10 A.M.: Shower while flushing the toilet repeatedly.
–10:25 A.M.: Drive to work in Hummer that runs on baby seal blood.
–10:30 A.M.: Hit pothole and spill coffee all over CDs. Great, now I’ve ruined BILLY Ocean, too!
–11:40 A.M.: Un-plan trip to Mardi Gras festivities.
–12:30 P.M.: Lunch: Send back salad and demand that they remove the oil from the vinegar.
–2:15 P.M.: Grab a dead, oil-soaked seagull and do hilarious “Donald Duck in blackface” bit.
–3:50 P.M.: Start diversifying company. Announce new moisturizer product: Gulf Oil of Olay.
–5:05 P.M.: Change oil in car. Pour used oil down storm drain.
–8:00 P.M.: Acting classes: Work on looking like I care.
–9:55 P.M.: Log onto underwater spill camera for long hard laugh.
“Centerfold club Jacksonville Florida now hiring 2010 graduating class.”
A strip club in Jacksonville, Florida, posted a sign that says, “Now Hiring The Graduating Class Of 2010.” The owner thinks it’s funny considering the lack of jobs available for recent graduates. But some people don’t think it’s funny at all.
–Naturally, there’s an amusing, poorly produced local news report on the story.